


Do You Dream of Me, I Wonder

by InsomniacCryptid



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, byleth is an emotional wreck cuz its been five years but it feels like its only been a week
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2020-10-28 19:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniacCryptid/pseuds/InsomniacCryptid
Summary: There is only so much a heart can take before it truly breaks beyond repair.Byleth had suffered heartbreak, but she thought maybe with her friends and students, time would heal her wounds.But as time goes on, it seems to only be good for hurting her more. Five years past and shes very quickly reached her limit, so quickly and violently after awakening to a world besieged by warfare. The final straw, she fears, may come sooner than she would like.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for Fire Emblem Three Houses!! I love this game and my fav, surprising absolutely no one, is Dimitri. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it, please leave a comment, they really brighten my day 💙

It was heartbreaking, seeing what he had become. Unfortunately, heartbreak had no place in warfare, it served no purpose other than to distract and delay. Perhaps it was foolish of her, but the former professor had hope... Surely this was not truly how he felt, how could Dimitri- _Kind, sincere, sweet Dimitri_\- lose himself to such blind rage as this? Was it too late to bring him back? Byleth did not know, and that frightened her even more. With each sharp, biting insult he threw at her, every word snarled with enough venom to kill, her heart broke a little more. 

Truly, it had been broken for some time. Since Jeralt died. The moment she saw that dagger bite into her fathers back- and been unable to use the divine abilities she had been granted to save him- her heart became a fragile glass shell and his death sent a massive fissure through its core.

But her students, her friends… they began knitting the pieces back together, and Byleth felt like maybe- _maybe_\- she would heal… Teaching them, guiding them, laughing with them… Byleth had crafted her own little home at Garreg Mach, and having the Blue Lions had strengthened that feeling. Jeralt said it himself, Byleth had become more emotive since coming to the Monastery, and along with that came the depth of emotion that she felt. 

She did not show emotion often, still, it was just how she was. But she couldn’t help but weep at the loss of her dearest friend, seeing what this life had done to Dimitri… _her Dimitri_… She still couldn’t believe it, even as she stood in the middle of the Knight's hall with the rest of the Blue Lions, Seteth and Gilbert, speaking of their next move against Edelgarde. 

Byleth was not… entirely present, her mind wandering back to five years ago. But she snapped out of it when Dimitri’s bitter voice shattered her thoughts. Annette’s attempts to make him see, Felix- unhelpfully chiming in as usual- too much noise, no one actually taking steps to be helpful.

Byleth sighs, pushing green hair from her face as she turn to glance at Dimitri, trying for the gentlest tone possible, lest this get out of hand. “Let’s settle down, we w--” 

Dimitri’s harsh, sharp tone cuts her off, his words hurting as much as any blade or fall from a cliff ever could. 

“_You_ stay out of this.” 

Sothis was no longer physically present to comfort her, but oh how she wished she was. The tears that threatened to rise from the depths of her being, burning behind her eyes as she stared at him, expression blank. Her limbs felt like lead, her heart squeezing painfully in her chest- she just wanted to hold him, tell him everything would be alright- but she feared he would receed even further from her grasp, if she tried. 

Byleth does something that even she is taken aback by, she was not confrontational in conversation, she was polite and pleasant- even could be described as distant- but when he snapped at her like that, made the burn of tears behind her eyes turn to rapidly blinking to keep the tears at bay- she had had enough of his shitty attitude for today. 

“Fine. Since my judgement seems to be useless to you anyways, I will no longer offer it.”

Her own venemous tone stuns the rest of her former students into silence, even Gilbert and Seteth do not speak as Dimitri turns to her. Perhaps her tone conveys more than she meant, that it was not merely the dismissal of her words that set her off, if Dimitri's one good eye widening in shock is any indicator. But Byleth cannot look at him, cannot face the thing he had turned into without the tears spilling down her cheeks- Goddess forbid she cry in front of them- She didn’t do that. Even when Jeralt died. 

So the former professor turns and strides from the hall, brushing the few stray tears that had fallen from her seafoam green eyes before any of her Blue Lions could see. 

“Professor, wait!” 

But she doesn't.

No, Byleth is slowly but surely falling apart and it is not by her choice, so she is panicking. Her heartbeat hastens with each step she takes, even when she does not know where she is going. 

None of them follow, but be that because something else transpired or not, she does not know nor does she care. She is going to the only person who ever understood her, even as he lay buried in the ground. 

The darkness of night is a comfort and an eerie disquieting sight, but Byleth still does not stop in her stride to reach the Graveyard. 

She had seen the date written on the stone before when she first visited the grave, 1159… if she did her math correctly, she was barely older than her students- how was she expected to lead them when she hardly knew what she was doing herself? 

Her steps take her swiftly and surely to the graveyard where she collapses on her knees before her mother and fathers grave. She shudders as a sob breaks from her chest, beating a clenched fist to the ground.   
Why did this have to be? Why did this happen? With her head down, she sees her hair… once dark blue, now… pale green, bright… she was a beacon, a goddesses vessel… perhaps more so than Rhea realized. Sothis was.. part of her. Their souls were one… she… _is_ Sothis… 

"I wish we never came to this place, Father…" Byleth whispers to no one, bringing a hand up to trace the words on the stone… and she weeps. 

She weeps for the fallen, and those who still walk but are changed. She cries until there are no more tears, and it is only her heart that is left aching. Even still, she stays until her eyes flutter shut, curled up on the grave of the only family she had ever known.


	2. Reunion at Dawn... Again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth has a dream.

_The Ball was… nice, though she had never been one for fancy celebrations and parties. Especially never been one for dancing, but they didn’t want to disappoint the students that did ask… though there may have been more than a few students with sore toes, come morning. _

_By the time she’s able to sneak away, it’s late in the evening, but the festivities are still in heavy swing. She absconds to the courtyard, Sothis teasing her about being the favorite… she wasn’t the favorite, she… she was just new, that’s all. People liked new things, they’d get bored of her eventually… _

_“Professor? What are you doing here?”_

_She had been so preoccupied listening to Sothis, Byleth had nearly walked right into Dimitri. Her eyes widen just a fraction, looking up at him. _

_“I should ask you the same, Dimitri.” _

_The words… taste foreign on her tongue… wait, that… that wasn’t how this conversation went. _

_Yet, time carries on as if the thought had never occurred to her. Hearing his laugh is as natural as breathing, and just like that Dimitri has stolen her attention. he rolls his shoulder, similarly to how he does when training as he speaks. “Ah, I am not one for festivities such as this… I feel rather out of place.” _

_Byleth nods, a flicker of a smile crossing her lips. “Yes, I feel much the same… I don’t really like to dance… at least, publically.” _

_Dimitri nods, looking at her and… it’s different, somehow. His smile is sweeter, his gaze softer. “Well then, would… you join me, professor? Perhaps we can escape this party together.” _

_The heat that floods her cheeks is impossible to ignore, though Dimitri makes no indication of noticing, nevertheless… she nods. _

_The Goddess tower is quiet, only their footsteps on the stone interrupting the silence. _

_“It’s quiet here, isn’t it, Professor?” _

_Byleth feels like she’s in a trance, walking side by side with him… so close, but not… She can only nod, stealing a glance at Dimitri as he speaks, catching his gaze for just a moment before she quickly looks away. “That reminds me, do you know the legend associated with the Goddess tower?” _

_Byleth can only smile slightly, shaking her head. “No, not particularly. I don’t concern myself with such things. Though I have heard things here and there.” _

_Dimitri’s smile makes her heart flutter in a way that she does not completely understand, frustratedly, she keeps her gaze trained to the vines that crawl over the stonework. _

_“Just as expected. They say that wishes made in this tower will come true. I wonder who came up with such a silly notion.” _

_Byleth tilts her head, laughing softly. “I wish I could dance.” _

_Dimitri looks at her with a mixture of adoration and shock, his smile widening. “Well… I could show you. Edelgarde taught me how, and while my instruction may not be as studious as hers… You don’t need to rely on a legend to make that wish come true.” _

_Byleth looks up at him, surprise taking over her expression, cheeks coloring a light red. “A… Really? You’re serious? I thought you didn’t like dancing…” _

_Dimitri shrugs, smile turning to a grin. “No harm in passing the time with it. Besides, you’ve taught me so much, so it’s the least I can do to return the favor.” _

_The heat that she can feel rising to her face is impossible to ignore, and the small giggle that escapes her is a foreign sound, taking her by surprise. “Well… when you put it that way, how can I refuse?” _

_She never thought that doing something as stupid and simple as dancing could make her heart race so fast. With her hand in his, her other on his shoulder, his on her waist… how could something so inconsequential make her feel this way? _

_“Now, I’ll lead with my right foot, and you follow, alright? We’re going to move with counts of three.” _

_Byleth swallows hard, glancing up at him with a nod before they look back down at their feet, extra cautious to not step on his boots. _

_Dimitri leads slowly, but his movements are easy and practiced, in this moment she is the student and he is the teacher. She feels foolish, stupid and childish, but the heat that floods her face is not from those emotions. His laughter only fuels her blush, her footsteps unsure and stumbling the longer they move to an unheard rhythm. “Don’t be so tense, Professor… If you fall, I’ll catch you.” _

_Byleth hears him, but what she doesn’t say… She’s pretty sure she’s already fallen… for him. _

_“There you go, you’re getting it,” Dimitri is encouraging and supportive, even when Byleth steps on his toes and causes him to stumble… Always so sweet and sincere. Byleth can’t help it, when the laugh slips from her lips, the sound catching them both by surprise and making them stumble- Dimitri catches himself easily, and Byleth finds herself pressed against his chest. She looks up at him, eyes shining brightly. “Oh, Dimitri I-- I’m so… Sorry… I told you I’m… not much for dancing.” _

_Dimitri smiles, gently assisting her in standing properly, his hands lingering on her own. For a brief moment, their eyes meet, and Byleth is sure he’ s leaning in…_

“Professor?” 

_That wasn’t Dimitri’s voice. Who said that? _

“Professor, wake up!” 

Byleth bolted upright, gasping softly as the world came into focus around her all at once, the first few slivers of dawn peeking over the mountains, and the sound of footsteps heading towards her. Where was she? 

She quickly takes in her surroundings, the growing panic in her chest quickly subsiding as she recalls the night previous… but with the panic gone, the true sorrow sets in. She can feel tears pricking at her eyes again, but she blinks them away when she is called once more. 

“Oh Professor, we’ve been looking all over for you!” 

Byleth looks up, Mercedes and Felix coming down the steps to the graveyard. Had she really fallen asleep? The pair walk over to her, Byleth herself still shocked and just… was she dreaming? That wasn't how her conversation with Dimitri went in the goddess tower…. She must have been. 

“Did you fall asleep out here?” Felix questions, folding his arms and looking down at her with that trademark furrow of his brow. 

Mercedes’ blue eyes flicker from Byleth to the gravestone, squinting slightly before her expression softens. “Isn’t that… oh…” Felix’s frown deepens, until his gaze also turns to the headstone and his expression softens just the slightest. “I’ll… tell Seteth we found her.” 

“No, No… no need, I’ll… I’ll tell him myself.” Byleth speaks up, finally, pushing herself to her feet and brushing the grass off of her cloak.

Her former students look at her, Mercedes with clear concern written on her features, and Felix with mild pity and unamusement. 

“No offense professor, but you look like shit.” Felix states bluntly, earning a gasp from Mercedes. 

“Felix!” 

“It’s true. Look, we won’t get anything productive done if the only competent leader among us is in shambles. Full Offense, the boar is in no condition to lead.” he shakes his head, setting a hand on his hip, the other running through his hair. “Just… get cleaned up, Professor. The world won’t end in the half hour it will take for you to get presentable…” When he looks back at her, his expression is the softest she’s ever seen from him. 

“We need someone who knows what they’re doing… and you can’t fix Dimitri if you yourself are falling apart.” 

With that he steps away from the two women, heading back up the stairs towards the cathedral. Mercedes lingers still, taking a few steps closer to Byleth and gingerly taking her hands in her own. 

“Are you alright?” 

Byleth can only sigh. What’s worse, she doesn’t have an answer for her. So, she makes up one. 

“I’m fine… I’m going to return to my quarters. Tell Seteth and Gilbert I’ll be with them within the hour.”


	3. Consoling Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth receives some comfort from an unlikely source.

Byleth didn’t know how tense and stiff her muscles would be after five years in a coma. How she managed to stay alive… she wasn’t sure, maybe it was Sothis, keeping her… her vessel alive. It was her voice that awakened her, after all. 

Her bones and muscles ached as she left the steaming sauna, with fresh clothes on her back and her hair tied up and away from her face. Her hands were shaking, but from lack of nutrition or her muscle atrophy she couldn’t be certain… perhaps it was both. Hell, maybe she should have taken Raphael up on his offer of breakfast. But it was much too late for that now, she had already said she would meet Seteth and Gilbert within the hour and she had spent half of that hour crying in the bath. Lucky for her, the sauna was empty. It seemed like only months ago her father was laid to rest- only weeks since she’d been able to enact her revenge- But even that reminder was bittersweet, because she didn’t really kill Kronya. Solon killed her. Killed her for that stupid spell, trapped her in that void of darkness- 

The memory of the battle in the sacred forest is as clear as if it happened yesterday, but the only thing it brings her now is a new wave of grief and anger to process. She didn't need that now. She could barely process events that were current five years ago, now she was expected to lead this group to victory? That was asking a lot, and assuming that Byleth was as composed and put together as Rhea made herself seem. Which she wasn't. 

So as quickly as possible, and without too much ruminating on the past, Byleth made her way to the second floor of the Monastery. She found Seteth and Gilbert in the Cardinals room, along with the rest of the students in the Blue Lions class, as well as those few who had traveled with Seteth and the Knights. The room went strangely silent, the only sound being Byleth’s footsteps. She couldn’t stand the quiet, all the eyes staring at her. What were they thinking, she wondered? Were they finally starting to doubt that this mere child touched by the goddess could lead them? How many of their concerned gazes were from their faith in her, and not because they were worried for her wellbeing? It did no good to dwell on these thoughts, so when the silence dragged on too long, she spoke. 

“Sorry to keep you all waiting. So. Where do we begin?” 

Byleth spent the next several hours in almost heated debate with former students and professors alike- No one was certain on their next move, Dimitri’s instability seemed to be the focal point of it all. Could they follow his lead when he was so hellbent on revenge? 

It got to the point where those present just began bickering across the rectangular table in the cardinals room, Byleth resting her head in her hand as she looked over a map of Fodlan. They needed to get Garreg mach under proper security protocols, first of all- the empire would be dispatching forces soon, once word has reached Enbarr of the increase in activity, as well as the slaughter of Imperial forces that occured days prior. Byleth’s sharp tone cut through the arguing like a heated blade, all eyes turning to her as she finally spoke up. 

“We should dispatch a small group of scouts to the main highways to the monastery, as well as surrounding areas. Our more trained scouts should focus their patrols on the south, so once the Emperor does send troops, we will have advanced notice. Shamir, can you lead them?” 

The knight in question rises from the table, looking relieved to finally be doing something other than acquiring another headache. “Of course.” 

Byleth nods. “Good. get that going as soon as possible, it’s crucial that we are not caught off guard. Not this time.” Shamir leaves the room with her orders now given, and Byleth turns her gaze to the rest of her allies. “Annette, Mercedes. You two coordinate with Cyril to get the major parts of the monastery clean and livable again. Felix, Sylvain, you two work with Catherine and the rest of the knights to ensure proper security in and around the monastery. Ashe, Lysithea, can you two handle going into the villages and neighboring hamlets to get what food and supplies you can?” 

Ashe and Lysithea nod, the group tension seeming to ease as Byleth takes the helm of command. The woman sighs, nodding again, tapping her fingers against her skull. She was getting a headache… goddess above. 

“Good… Good… until that’s done, there’s no use arguing about what we’re going to do next. We will prepare as much as we can, and wait for the Empire to make its move while we do.” 

With that, the group seems to agree in silence that that was a dismissal, and the selected groups split to go about their assigned tasks. 

As Byleth rises to her feet, Manuela approaches and begins to walk alongside her, out of the cardinals room. 

“May I have a moment of your time, Professor?” 

Byleth gives the woman a glance, sighing softly. “Of course. What do you need?”

The older woman looks back at Seteth and Gilbert, trailing behind them… and shakes her head, nodding towards the infirmary. 

...Strange. But Byleth nods, following behind Manuela as they enter the room, with the older professor shutting the door gently behind them. 

“I… am not usually one to concern myself with your business, but… Well, there is something I would like to discuss… about yesterday evening.” 

Here it comes… the conversation Byleth had been dreading. Questions of her judgment and aptitude for leadership, doubting she could do this. She expected it from Seteth, perhaps, but not Manuela. 

“Yes, yes, where is this going Manuela?” She cant hide the bitter tone to her voice, brows furrowing slightly as she folds her arms over her chest. 

Manuela gives her a long hard look before she sighs and takes a seat at the small table in the room, gesturing for Byleth to do the same. She pulls the cork out of a fancy bottle that rests in the center of the table, reaching for two glasses and pouring some of the strong smelling amber liquid into them. She slides one to Byleth and takes the other for herself. 

“I know the look of a broken heart when I see one, Dear.” 

That… was not the route that she was expecting the other professor to take. 

Byleth sits stiff in the chair, clenching and unclenching her jaw, before lifting a shaking hand to accept the drink and take a long swig of the burning whiskey before she allows herself to speak. 

“What do you mean, Manuela?” 

“What I mean,” the woman says, slowly, reaching a hand across the table to gently clasp Byleth’s hand in her own. “Is I saw you crying, as you left the Knights Hall… You can act like you aren’t affected by his words if you like but… a broken heart hurts just as much as any battle wound.” 

Byleth can feel the tears burning behind her eyes, trying vehemently to keep them in check, but failing miserably the more Manuela speaks. 

“I knew you and Dimitri felt something for each other, all those years ago… Young love is wasted on the young, as I’ve said… and now i’ve seen that you still feel that way. Seeing him lost as he is… I know it hurts. I’m trying to tell you it’s alright to cry, for a little while, at least.” Manuela smiles, releasing her hand and sitting back in her chair. 

It takes a moment before Byleth feels like she can speak without devolving into sobs, taking a shaking breath as she begins to speak.

“Y-you know, Manuela… I… It’s been five years, for all of you… But to me it feels like… it feels like its only been a day. I don’t know- I feel like just yesterday I was watching Dimitri and Felix spar, Sylvain try to woo the village girls, Dedue teaching F-flayn how to cook-” she cuts herself off before she says too much, choking back a small sob. 

“I-I can’t-- I can’t do all of this- I feel like I just--” 

Manuela seems to understand that this is far more than just about Dimitri, her expression softening as Byleth breaks down into small, quiet, shaking sobs. She sets her glass aside, rising from her chair to gently pull Byleth into her arms, expression creased in worry. 

“Hey, you listen to me, alright? You can do this.. You have to do this. But you don’t have to do this alone, alright? You’re never alone here, Byleth.” 

The young professor lifts her head, watery eyes looking up at Manuela with shock. “That… that’s the first time anyone has ever said my name…” 

As strange as it felt, hearing her name rather than professor or some other term of endearment... there was an odd source of comfort to it. Being able to break a little in front of Manuela and not feel as if she were being critically judged for it... well, it was a relief, to say the least. The heavy feeling in her chest became just a smidgen lighter. It wasn't going to be easy getting used to, but... but it was a start. 

Manuela looks equally as shocked, before her expression becomes a sincere smile. “Well, let’s start with that, then. Byleth, what you’re feeling… it’s very normal. I know right now everyone is expecting you to have all the answers, but it’s alright if you don’t. We’ll figure this out and beat the Empire, together. This won’t all fall onto your shoulders. Not on my watch.” 

Manuelas smile widens and she gives the younger woman a wink. “Now, let’s go see if we can’t whip your prince into shape, hm?”


	4. Midnight Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth has a terrible dream and goes to the training grounds to blow off some steam. Luckily, or not, someone else meets her there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a bit uh. Steamy, this chapter, so readers beware ;)

Manuela’s consoling words were helpful, she helped quell the sorrow that had settled in Byleth’s chest, but even still... The anger that simmered beneath a barely maintained calm facade lingered. Every time Alois spoke of _‘good old Jeralt’_ or Leonie said something to the tune of her failing to live up to Jeralts name- of course she never said that, in those exact words, but Byleth could read between the lines. 

She wasn’t planning on waking up in the middle of the night, of course not, but another dream plagued her mind and she couldn’t go back to sleep. So she went to the training grounds. The Monastery was quiet, leaving her to her own thoughts as she swung her blade at the various training dummies there. The sword of the creator felt heavier in her clammy, shaking hands. 

Her mind kept jumping back to that dream, that… terrible, _terrible_ dream. 

_Her hands frantically pressed to the wound in his chest, warm blood seeping through her fingers. The sound of the battle raging around them was muffled, all Byleth could hear was the wheezing, wet breathing of the man beneath her. “Don’t do this, don’t leave me, please, Dimitri” the words fell from her lips in a sob, but no amount of pressure from her hands would stem the bleeding. Dimitri lifted a hand to brush her tears away, smearing the blood on her face further in the process._

_It felt bittersweet, the gesture soft as could be but the words that leave him are exactly the opposite, only three words but they sting like a hundred thousand blades drawing across her skin._

_“It’s your fault.” _

_My fault._

“No!” Byleth all but shrieked, lunging at the nearest training dummy. Her blade cut through the air- it glowed bright fiery orange, expelling the restless energy of its wielder and demolishing the poor straw dummy in a single strike. Byleth was breathing heavy, shoulders rising and falling with each ragged breath as she stared at the burning strings of straw that floated down to the ground. 

She stood there, chest heaving, the sword of the creator still glowing and pulsing with power. Dimitri was alive, he was safe, he was fine- He wouldn’t die so long as she was here, she wouldn’t let that happen- 

Another voice cut through her thoughts, startling her enough to tense and prepare to strike. 

“Who pissed you off?” 

Dimitri stood on the other side of the training arena, leaned against one of the pillars. His single blue eye trained on her and glaring- his default now, it seemed. No more soft smiles and warm laughter… She wondered if he was still capable of such a thing. 

“No one.” she replied, her stance relaxing and the hero’s relic in her hands becoming dormant once more. “Couldn’t sleep, huh? How long have you been standing there?” she keeps her voice as unfeeling and bland as she can, even if seeing him brings a knot to her throat and has tears burning behind her eyes. 

_“It’s your fault.”_

“Long enough." Dimitri grumbles, folding his arms over his chest. "I haven’t been able to sleep for a while now. I’m used to it.” he says with a scornful scoff, shaking his head. He isn’t wearing his armor, to be fair she isn’t either, they are both dressed more casually- Byleth wearing a too-loose linen shirt tucked into trousers cut short just above her knee, Dimitri wearing a button down shirt, sleeves haphazardly rolled up to his forearms, the first few buttons undone, with long pants tucked into his boots. 

“Are you just going to slap those straw dummies around until dawn?” 

Byleth gives him a look, brows furrowed and her gaze guarded, much like how she looked at him when they first met- Remire Village, with bandits after him, Edelgard and Claude- “Is that you asking to spar, Dimitri?” 

The young prince snorts, shaking his hair out of his eye as he stands straight, picking up a training lance from the weapon rack across from him. He grabs two, tossing the other to Byleth, cocking his head to the side and looking down at her expectantly. 

She tenses only slightly, but her reflexes are quick enough to catch it. She swallows, nervous, but she doesn’t let it show. “Alright then.”

Byleth sets her hero’s relic to the side, carefully, before she takes up a defensive stance in the center of the arena with Dimitri. 

The silence that falls over the ring is tense and simmering with unspoken words, the two circling each other- once the teacher and student- now, a goddess touched warrior and a fallen prince. 

Dimitri is the first to break the game of circling, lunging at her with his lance poised to hit her in the side. She parries his blow, swiftly knocking her lance against his and pushing him back. He’s strong, but so is she. It occurs to her, then, that she’s only ever truly sparred with Felix and a few others with Dimitri, she had never fought him one on one… He was always on her side, so to speak, having him on the other side of her weapon was a frightening thought. 

“You’re distracted, Professor.” 

Dimitri’s voice shatters her thoughts, Byleth is just barely able to dodge out of the way of his next attack, jumping back to avoid the jab, but falling to the ground when he follows it up with a sweep under her feet. 

Byleth hits the floor with a soft ‘oof’, her breath momentarily knocked from her chest before she quickly regains herself, rolling out of the way of another jab from the prince. 

She pushes herself to her feet, staying in a low crouch until he turns back to her, then it’s her turn to lunge. She smacks the training lance against his side, twisting to knock him to the ground, just like he did for her. One to One.

“What makes you say that?” 

Dimitri grunts as he hits the ground, pulling himself to his feet quicker than she had. “You’ve always seen that move coming before.” 

They begin circling each other once more, Byleth rolls her shoulders, breathing heavy. How was it that he could read her so easily, when before he couldn’t tell what she was feeling?

“Yeah? Well maybe I wanted to see what would happen.” She tries to play it off with a shrug, even going so far as to smile, but the emotion is empty and she mentally curses when she realizes it. 

Dimitri sneers, shaking his head. “Liar.” 

His next attack catches her off guard, the prince forgoing the lance in favor of a full body tackle to the ground. She gasps when his body slams into hers, the weight of him taking her down easily- the lance is knocked from her hands and this training session quickly turns into a brawl. 

Byleth has been in more than a few fist fights, especially when she was younger. Dimitri was clearly not expecting her to be as proficient in blocking his swings as she is, but even so- they are evenly matched. 

It feels like a dance, Byleth dodging his hits, Dimitri catching her swings with his arms- words don’t pass between them anymore, just heavy breathing and the pair of them moving across the ring in a violent tango. 

Byleth doesn’t even notice when the first slivers of dawn break through the darkness of the night. It isn’t until She has Dimitri pinned to the ground, her hands keeping his against the stone, both of them breathing heavy and more than a little bruised and bloodied. Dimitri had a small trickle of blood coming from his nose, a split lip. Byleth had more than a few bruises on her ribs, a cut on her brow, and a split lip to match his. They had stopped keeping score after twenty, and with Byleth keeping him pinned, she was confident enough to say she won this match. 

She allows herself to laugh, the sound breathless and genuine. “I win.” 

Dimitri looks… different, he’s no longer glaring at her, his expression is softer and more… more like the Dimitri she used to know. He looks… tired, but also relieved, happy maybe? She can’t tell, her gaze searching his face almost desperately for something to tell her that he’s alright again- 

She doesn’t find what she’s looking for, but what she does get leaves her shocked to her very core. 

Dimitri’s hands slip from hers, but instead of going for another attack, they go to cup her face. Before she can really process what’s happening, he’s pulling her down to press his lips against hers in a feverish, messy kiss. 

Byleth gasps softly, the action caught her by surprise so much that she lets him flip the position they’re in- Now it’s her back pressed to the stone, her hair splayed on the ground behind her- She finds herself kissing him back without really thinking about it. Her arms link around his neck, pulling him closer, his hands slide down from her jaw to her sides, slipping beneath her shirt- she shivers under his touch, the kiss breaking with her gasp, tilting her head back.  
Dimitri begins trailing kisses and soft bites down her jaw to her neck, the softness of his lips against the blunt sting of his teeth has white bursting behind her eyes. His hands feel rough on her skin, but each touch she knows will linger for days after, pressed onto her skin like a brand. 

Her shirt falls over one shoulder, exposing more of her skin to the chilly new dawn air, but it only serves to make her want him closer- they’re both warm but when he touches her like that, ravenous and hungry- it’s like she’s feeling everything for the first time all over again, the world is bright and she’s so stupidly in love with him... She gasps when he bites hard on her neck, her body arching against him as a hand slips to tangle in his hair. Dimitri makes a low groan in his throat, she feels his tongue drag over her skin, sending a thrill down her spine that settles between her thighs burning hot-

Wait… Wait- No- What was she doing? 

Her mind doesn’t want to function, doesn’t want to shatter this moment, she’s wished for something like this for so long… But was it real? Would Dimitri regret this, like everything else he had come to regret, if she let this happen? 

No, no she couldn’t- Not until she was sure this was something they both wanted and not just their emotions getting the better of them. 

“Dimitri…. Dimi- wait, wait.” 

Dimitri lifts his head, his one good eye hooded, the blue nearly drowned out by the black of his pupil. He watches her with an unreadable expression, one good eye locked with hers… She brought a hand up to his face, gently brushing along his cheek. Something passes over his expression, and he suddenly pulls from the touch, swallowing hard as he carefully pulls away from her. 

“Forgive me.” 

Byleth sits up when he moves off of her, both of them rising to their feet, Dimitri refusing to look at her. 

“Dimitri, I-” 

“Don’t.” Dimitri holds up a hand, still not facing her, looking tense like a cornered animal. Byleth sighs softly, shaking her head and running her hand over her neck… 

The doors to the training grounds creak open with a loud groan, startling the both of them. Dimitri jumps, whipping around to look at the doors, Byleth tenses, taking a quick step away from the prince. 

Felix enters the arena, looking ready to start a day of training- but he pauses when he looks up and sees the two. His gaze flickers from Dimitri to Byleth, and back again, takes in the bruises and cuts on both of them… 

“Getting in some early training with the boar, Professor?” Felix does as he always will, turns the subject away from the glaringly obvious- Byleth quickly adjusts her shirt, walking over to where she had put her sword, sliding the blade into the custom holster she made for it. “Of course. Can’t have my sword arm going stiff, being asleep for five years and all.” 

Dimitri seems to regain his composure, when she looks back at him he’s… as he was, previously, all glares and spite. It hurts, but at the same time… that wasn’t the dimitri who was kissing her, touching her, mere moments ago… so perhaps there was some hope. 

“Don’t think it’s your sword arm that’s stiff, professor.” Felix retorts, his gaze flickering to Dimitri, knowingly. He looks entirely unamused, disgusted almost, but that was Felix for you. Dimitri mutters something, shaking his head as he pushes past Felix, stomping off to the dormitory, leaving her with Felix, alone. 

“I know I told you to fix him but-” 

“Felix, we were just sparring.” Byleth snaps, collecting the lances they had been using and putting them back on the weapon rack. 

“Right. That’s what they call it now, huh? Hmph.” Felix shakes his head with a sigh. “Whatever. What you and the boar do is your business… Just so long as you make him right and get him back to us.” 

Byleth shakes her head, running her hand through her hair. “I don’t know if it will be that simple, Felix…” She walks towards the doors to the training grounds, setting her lips in a firm, yet determined line. 

“But I’m going to try.”


	5. The Things We've Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While protecting Garreg Mach from Imperial forces, Byleth gets hurt, and Dimitri does some reflecting.

Dimitri was a fool. 

Of course this was not news to him, but to have let himself get so… so attached, to one such as _her_… it was far more dangerous than any battle he had thrown himself into. The wailing and screaming of those he had lost were relentless, yet when he was with her, they ceased just the slightest… the voices that thundered in his head like a choir from the eternal flames were dulled to the softest of whispers when she looked at him, spoke to him, _touched him._

Selfish of him it was, to let it go so far, to even be as brazen as to kiss her, and that... that was the most foolish decision of all. 

He did not deserve it. 

As the prince stood in the infirmary, shadowed gaze watching his former professor sleep, he felt that terrible guilt clawing at his throat. 

_Should have been you. shouldn't have lived. why did you get to live, while the rest of us died? _

_Avenge me, don't let my sacrifice be for nothing! _

The whispers swirled at the back of his mind, with them came the pounding in his head, the ache of pain that felt like a stake being driven into his mind. Yet he lingered, staring down at the woman who just saved his life. 

_"Professor, get down!" Dimitri shouted, only for his warning to go unheeded as she did the exact opposite. she threw herself in front of him, the blade connecting with her chest and ripping through flesh, tearing through her armor and sending her tumbling to the ground. _

_Dimitri screamed, a furious, rage-fueled battle cry as he flung himself towards the Imperial General, Randolph- the battle was quickly won, and Garreg Mach was safe once more… _

_But the Professor was not._

Dimitri's jaw tightened, glaring gaze shifting away from the woman resting in the cot. He had a rat to deal with, there was nothing to be gained from fretting over the woman he used to call professor… nothing but a little bit more stolen peace that he didn't deserve. 

The prince took Randolph from the cell he'd been held in, dragging him to the deserted courtyard in the monastery. The man was already half dead, but Dimitri wanted him to suffer. 

And he intended to make it so. 

When Byleth woke, it was in the infirmary, with a stiff neck and a terrible ache in her chest… she sat up, looking down at her chest showed bandages with small spots of red peeking through. The Imperial garrison that Edelgard dispatched to topple the monastery once again failed. They protected their home… good. 

Slowly, the former professor pushed herself to her feet, grabbing her clothes that she saw were set on the table beside her cot alongside her sword, before she departed the infirmary. Manuela could chastise her later. 

She had to see Dimitri. Had to know he was alright… all she could recall was seeing the general prepared to strike him, and then she jumped... well, that explained the bandages. It hurt to move, but the more she did the easier it became, she was certain she would be fine come morning, if not a little bit scarred.   
It didn't take her long to find the prince, as she passed the courtyard on her way out of the infirmary. When she saw the man at his feet, however, her heart leapt into her throat. Her chest constricted and squeezed the more she heard as she drew closer. 

"Please…. I have a family…" 

The man was pleading, begging for his life. He was surely already going to die, with wounds of the like that he had going untreated. What was Dimitri doing? 

"Did those that you have slaughtered beg for their lives, just as you are begging now?" 

No… no, Dimitri wouldn't- Byleth stared at the scene unfolding before her, that blank, emotionless mask in place to hide the absolute fear and horror she felt at seeing her friend do this… this wasn't war, this wasn't survival- it was torture. Needless cruelty. What was hurting this man going to accomplish in the long run? How would prolonging his demise assist them in toppling the empire?

Byleth knew the answer. 

Without thinking she drew her blade, approaching the prince and the fallen general, before she plunged the sword into his back- twisting and pulling it from his flesh- ending his life before any further misery befell him. 

Dimitri seems to finally see her, then, glaring at her with barely contained rage. 

"What is the meaning of this?!" 

Byleth stands there, blood spattering her clothes, her face… and tears drip down her cheeks. 

"No more." 

Dimitri's one eye narrows, stepping past the corpse of the general. "What?!" 

"You _heard me._" Byleth spits the words, taking a step towards him as well. "I will not stand idly by as you torture and kill needlessly! What good does it serve, Dimitri?!" 

Dimitri glowers at her and does not respond as he mulls over the answer to her question- _it will silence them, the voices of the dead that haunt me and chase me in my dreams, even when I wake-_

Byleth continues, in his silence, tears falling faster and faster like rivers down pale cheeks. "I miss the Dimitri I used to know! I miss the man who knew what he was fighting for, who looked me in the eyes and told me to _live for myself!_" She explodes, all of her emotions coming out at once in a unsteady torrent of tears and shaky sobs. Her hands are clenched into fists at her sides, shes angry at him and yet all she wants to do is hold him close and be his comfort, his safety... but he will not allow it, and that is what truly hurts. 

Dimitri is not expecting those words, nor does he expect the flood of emotion that his former teacher expresses, his good eye widening as the show unfurls. 

"You-- you- I _care_ about you, Dimitri and I will not watch as you drive yourself into an early grave!" 

The way she looks at him now, full of anger and sadness… the tears she cries are for a man long since dead. It hurts, somewhere deep in his chest, when she says she cares… but the Dimitri she cared for is gone, he can't be that person so long as his parents and his friends that have died still suffer… he doesn't deserve to have it… have her and the peace she offers… even if he longs to reach out and grasp it. 

"If you do not like the monster you see then kill me!" He blurts, his confusion and sadness channeling into anger and regret, clenching his fists at his side. "If you cannot do that then I will use you and your friend to achieve my goal, at any and all cost!" 

Byleth stares at him, expression slowly becoming blank and emotionless, even as tears still stream down her cheeks. She takes a step towards him, and for a moment Dimitri thinks she may strike him- he would deserve it- but all she does is lay a hand upon his cheek. 

The gentle touch makes him shudder, his knees growing weak. He shuts his eye, jaw clenching tight. He does not deserve such tender grace, not from anyone but especially not her. Why does she stay, after all he has said, after how cruel he has been why doesn't she leave? 

Her touch lingers until he jerks away, refusing to look at her- the ghosts have begun to shriek in his mind now and his throbbing temples are too much to bear… he can't watch her cry any longer. Cant watch her suffer because of him. He turns and forces himself to move, to leave her... before he no longer has the strength to do so. 

"Then I'll wait." 

She speaks, even as he walks further away from her, her voice breaking and so, _so_ soft. Her heart shatters bit by bit with each step he takes away from her, but each crumbling piece makes her all the more determined. 

"I'll wait as long as it takes, Dimitri… I wont let the dead have you while you still breathe."


	6. What's a Life Worth

This was a bad idea. 

That was all that she could think as they marched through the searing hellscape of Ailell, a place touched by the wrath of the goddess, said to be where the eternal flames touched the earth. 

Byleth did not agree with this plan. Of course, getting more soldiers was all well and good, yes- but using the soldiers Rodrigue would give them to charge straight for the Imperial capital? Ludicrous. A death wish! Byleth had made it known, at the time, but Dimitri of course was against everything she suggested doing otherwise, and with a party split on what to do… Authority went to Dimitri, when Byleth finally conceded. She was in no shape to try to argue with him when he clearly was not going to be swayed. 

Which led to being marched through the heat of hell that was the Valley of Ailell. Sure, Byleth had felt heat- but this was on another level. She could bear it, but it made her less… patient. Her temper had a tendency to flare up even more when she was under intense heat, as she disliked the hot weather of the summer and preferred the cooler months of winter- so this place was awful to her, and to the rest of the Blue Lions as well. 

At least no one was whining. 

They stopped when they came to the center of the Valley, but… something felt off. She didn’t know what it was until she saw the outline of troops on the ridge to the northeast of them. 

That was not the emblem of house Fraldarius. The other are speaking of the heat, just as she spies them, Byleth dismounting from her steed to join the others- she had decided to travel a few feet away from the rest of the group- she did not want her foul mood to accidentally offend or harm one of the others. If only others could be as considerate… 

“Troops on the ridge, not the ones we were expecting, either.” She points it out, at the same time that Mercedes sees them. 

“That… that is the symbol of the grey lion, a knight of House Rowe.” Gilbert chimes in, helpfully. 

“Not a friend, then.” Sylvain sighs, shaking his head. 

Byleth puts the two together, easy enough to assume that the Rowe house defected to the Empire, shaking her head as she stares at the approaching soldiers. 

“If they mean to ambush us then let them, and let us strike them down like the scum they are.” Dimitri all but snarls the words as he brandishes his lance. 

Byleth gives him a quick sideways glance, pressing her lips into a thin line as she draws her sword, turning her gaze to the rest of her former students. “Don’t take risks, be cautious. Get it done.” 

They all nod in understanding, so she turns back to face the soldiers approaching them. This was unfortunate… for them. But at least it would ease some of her stress. 

It isn’t until the last knight falls that Byleth bothers to look up and sees that Rodrigue had finally arrived. 

She sighs, wiping the blood from her cheek as she rises to stand properly- only to cringe in pain and stumble to a knee. 

“Professor!” 

Ashe calls out to her, running over and bending down to help her stand. Three arrows stick out of her gut, another in her thigh. Well. Shit. Byleth sighs, annoyed and inconvenienced by the pain wracking her body now that the adrenaline of battle begins to fade. “Mercedes!” 

Ashe calls to the mage, who hurries over and gasps in shock at the sight of her. “Oh goodness- right, right- Hold still professor this… well its going to hurt.” 

Byleth waves her hand dismissively, though when Mercedes grabs the shaft of the arrow in her thigh she winces. She keeps her face calm even as pain screams down her nerves, keeping quiet as mercedes works to remove the arrows and heal the wounds. When she’s finished, Byleth is pale and gripping the hood of Ashe’s coat so hard her knuckles are white. 

“Are you alright, Professor?” Annette had wandered over some time during, though Byleth can’t place when- She may be goddess touched, but she was still human, and to tell the goddess honest truth… Byleth hadn’t been taking very good care of herself, inadvertently. 

“Im- I think-” Byleth tries to speak, but her words die on her tongue. Her vision flickers and darkens, the last thing she hears is Mercedes calling her name as she falls limp against Ashe. 

~~~

_“Keep your blade up!” _

_A young girl with dark blue hair stumbles, her expression flat and unmoving as she fumbles with the blade in her hands. Her father laughs, shaking his head as he assists her in steadying her posture, lifting the arm she holds the sword in. _

_“You’ve got to defend if you can’t attack, alright? It’s important, especially when some thief with a sword comes flyin’ at you.” _

_The blue haired girl nods, violet eyes turning to look at her father. “Papa, why would someone want to hurt me? Why do we fight?” _

_Jeralt sighs, quiet for a moment before he walks to a fallen tree and sits, beckoning his daughter to follow. _

_“Byleth… there are some people in this world that choose to do terrible things. Hurt innocent people… It’s our job to stop them.” _

_Byleth sits on the grass, listening to her father with attentive yet emotionless eyes… for the first time, a frown crosses her face, violet eyes going to stare at the ground, and then back to her father. _

_“But… if we hurt the bad people… what makes us different?” _

_Jeralt stares at his child, his own expression… shocked, a little disturbed… but he shakes his head, sighing with a small smile crossing his lips. _

_“The fact that you even asked, kiddo, makes you a whole lot better than those guys… Your life is worth a hell of a lot more than theirs because you choose to be better. Remember that, Byleth.”_

Byleth slowly opens her eyes, the gentle movement beneath her telling her that she was on horseback… yet, she was cradled against someone, not thrown over the back of a horse or… Her green eyes flicker to the familiar cloak around the shoulders of the person holding her- her eyes going wide as she realizes who had their arms around her. 

Dimitri had his arms on either side of her, holding the reigns of the horse he sat atop, his gaze focused on the horizon before them. It was colder, so they were out of Ailell… they sky was dark, the stars above shining brightly, their breath materializing in the air in front of them. Dimitri’s expression was… calmer, not so much a glare as it was… sad. Byleth stares up at him for a moment longer, deciding to keep quiet and let him think she was still passed out. 

Her fathers words echo in her mind, so empty now that Sothis was… not gone, but part of her completely now… She sometimes wished she still had the Goddesses voice in her mind, at least that would be less lonely. She feels the tears burning behind her eyes and pushes them down, shutting her eyes and leaning closer into Dimitri’s warmth. 

The steady rhythm of the gentle jostling of the horse and the sound of Dimitri’s heartbeat eventually lulls her back into unconsciousness. 

It’s not until they are back at the monastery that she awakes, the abrupt halt of their horses and the clinking of armor stirring her eyes to open. She jolts to full awareness when Dimitri shifts, this time noticing she’s awake. 

“Good. you’re awake.” 

Dimitri dismounts and assists her in getting off the horse, though he is quick to release her hand and stomp away afterwards. Ashe and Mercedes walk over to where she stands, the latter of the pair looking concerned. 

“Are you feeling alright, Professor?” 

Byleth nods, watching Dimitri walk away. A certain sadness washes over her, bringing the tears she had tried to suppress on the trip back in earnest. 

“Yes. I’m fine.” comes her monotonous reply, turning away from her former students to hide the tears brimming in her eyes. 

“I believe Gilbert and Rodrigue wanted a word with you, and Dimitri too… to discuss our next move.” 

Byleth hurriedly wipes at her eyes before she faces them, blank expression in place as she nods. “Very well. Take care, Ashe. Mercedes.” 

Byleth catches up with Seteth, just before he enters the entrance hall, and the pair walk together towards the second floor of the monastery… where raised voices echo down the halls. 

“Goddess preserve us…” Seteth grumbles, steeling his gaze towards the cardinals room where the source of the yelling is happening, he gives Byleth a glance. 

“You believe you can fix that, do you?” 

Byleth sighs, frustrated and tired, but doesnt let it show. She looks at seteth with expressionless green eyes, tilting her head. “Everyone is always saying ‘Fix’ like there is something wrong with him- like its a new occurrence…” Byleth had come to realize, that this… this had been there all along. Dimitri was just letting it win. 

“This is what he hides, and what he now no longer has the strength to keep in check… He is not thinking clearly, rationally… I can't ‘fix’ that… but I can help him make smarter, better choices.” 

She steps past Seteth, finally walking into the war room- silencing the yelling, that was mostly coming from Dimitri and Felix. 

"Good. You talk some sense into him." Felix huffs, rolling his eyes and walking away, looking as fed up with Dimitri as she had felt this morning. 

"I do NOT need her to tell me anything!" Dimitri shouts, refusing to look at her, instead glaring at felix. 

"That has yet to be seen. However we wont win this war by shouting, so can we please discuss what our next plan is?" 

Rodrigue steps in this time, his calm demeanor a welcome change to the stern and abrasive one that Seteth often carried, the awkward silence of Gilbert, and the manic rage the crown prince was spewing. It felt nice to have another rational thinker with patience among the leading parties.

"I wish I could say that there is a good plan of attack… Firdihad was not in the best of states when I departed. I fear that while we have joined you, the capital and it's people may soon crumble beneath Cornelias hand." Rodrigues tone is sad, but he has a glint of determination in his gaze that tells byleth he will follow Dimitri… good, for all things considered. 

"If we were to retake the capital first, it would secure us more soldiers, food, supplies, weapons-" Gilbert starts, but Dimitri is swift to cut him off. 

"No. We March to Enbarr, we cut down that woman and we end this war. That is the plan." 

A plan, maybe, but it wasn't a very good one. Byleth cannot help the twitch to her brow, shifting to place her head on her hand- a typical tell to say that she was deep in thought. 

"That is easier said than done… but if that is your intent, then we go where you command. I am by no means saying we should go to the capital, I trust you to lead my men, Dimitri." Rodrigue continues, giving Byleth a glance. 

"Professor, are you familiar with the geography of Fódlan?" 

Byleth nods, her gaze going from the floor to meet Rodrigue. "I am, yes." 

"As I understand it, you are a masterful tactician. How do you think we should approach?" Rodrigue asks with a small hint of a smile, his gaze fixed on her. Dimitri doesn't seem pleased, but he says nothing in objection.. so Byleth steps up to the table, looking at the map spread out before her… 

Just at a glance, towards the East is the shortest route, but looking further- it's also the best option. 

"East." 

Rodrigue nods in agreement. "My thoughts exactly." he

"You know that the borders of the empire and the kingdom are split by the river myrddin, and the only way to cross is by bridges, at key points. The largest of those is here," He steps up beside her, pointing to a place on the map, not far from Garreg Mach. 

"The Great Bridge of Myrddin. It is the best suited to get our troops to Enbarr, and the closest to the monastery. We take that bridge, we get one more step to taking Enbarr." 

Gilbert speaks up, coming to join them at the map. "The Great Bridge is part of Count Gloucesters territory, he has currently sided with the empire. We wont get all our troops close enough, it's a fools task." 

Byleth fixes her gaze on Deirdrue, the Leicester alliance capital… 

"If the empires forces were distracted… we can contact Claude, he's the Alliance leader now right? Aren't they fighting the empire as well? If his troops distract the empires forces, draw them away from the bridge… we could potentially take it." Byleth speaks, gesturing to the map as she speaks. 

“Then that’s what we will do.” Dimitri interjects, seemingly final, but Byleth still doesn’t like this plan. 

“I disagree. We should go to Firdihad first. Edelgard will not go anywhere and her army will not weaken. We don’t have-” 

Dimitri cuts her off, leveling her with a glare that makes her skin crawl. “Do you not wish to rescue Rhea as soon as possible? Is that not your duty?” 

Byleth falls quiet, but her gaze doesn’t leave him… she does want Rhea safe… but… if they hadn’t killed her yet, after five years, another few months won’t kill her.

“I want Rhea safe as much as all of us do, Dimitri. But we won’t be able to end this war and save her if we rush in like fools!” her composure cracks for just a moment, her throat beckoning tight. She quickly swallows it down, speaking before Dimitri could blow up in her face. 

“I will follow you, Dimitri. I always will… But I do not agree with this plan. This… this is not how we are going to win.”   
She steps away from the table, folding her hands in front of her neatly. “Are we done?” 

Dimitri still seems like there is something he wants to say, but whatever it is he chooses to stay silent. He waves his hand at her with a grunt, a silent dismissal. Gilbert and Rodrigue seem to want to speak with him still, so Byleth takes it upon herself to be the first to leave. 

She leaves in silence, slowly walking the path down to the dormitory. She heads into her room and quietly shuts the door behind her, sighing as she slowly lets herself relax a bit… She can still hear Jeralt’s voice in her mind, echoing and making her heart ache… she missed him so much. She remembered Dimitri comforting her after his death, his words still fresh in her mind, but even the memory now brings a sour taste to her tongue and has tears returning to her eyes. 

Byleth walks to her desk, finding the familiar leather pouch and gently thumbing at the material… before she sits on the floor, finally letting her tears flow free. She takes the silver ring from the pouch, staring at the metal and the jewels inlaid in it as she cries, shaking her head in frustration and grief. 

“What’s all this worth if I can’t save him? What good will winning be if this damned war ends and he’s not around to fix what’s left?” 

Her whispered questions are left unanswered, tracing the ring in her hands with a soft touch, as if the token might hold the answers she seeks. What is she to do? Her whole life she’s been protecting, guiding, saving the weaker, less fortunate… now what was she doing? Fumbling in the dark and trying to fight against something she couldn’t even see that had taken its wretched hold on her prince…. 

How could she help him… when he won’t even help himself? This plan- even if it worked they wouldn’t make it to Enbarr- not with the number of troops and supplies they currently had… it was impossible. 

All these questions in her head leave her mind a muddled mess of emotions, she can’t think with it like this… placing the ring back in the pouch and tucking it away in her desk, she doesn’t bother to change as she collapses on her bed… she could only hope that sleep would be dreamless and provide her some respite, if only for tonight…


	7. Familiar Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth finds some familiar faces, and gets a serious talk from a friend.

Dimitri stood on the bridge of Myrddin, victorious… and yet, he felt no relief. No comfort in this battle being won. Dedue had returned, not dead as he had thought. No longer would his friend’s face haunt his dreams with the rest… but it was merely a brief reprieve, the unease he felt yet could not place was bothering him even more, as he stared out onto the river… 

“Embracing death for the sake of that woman…” 

Byleth was beside him, clutching a wound in her shoulder that she tried to pretend wasn’t bothering her… but Dimitri could see the pain hidden behind her blank stare. 

“What’s wrong?” She questions, but Dimitri has no answer to that… Was he doing the right thing? Of course he was doing the right thing, the sooner he gives them her head, the sooner they could rest- the sooner this eternal torment would cease! His thoughts run rampant in his mind, making the pounding pain in his skull worse. The thought that… that Ferdinand… 

“I… I do not know.” He mutters, shaking his head as he presses a hand to his brow- just above his ruined eye. 

“Do you regret killing them?” 

Her question stings, but he does not round on her and spit some kind of snarling insult or something of the like as he had come to do, as of late… he shakes his head, forcing his expression to be cold and unfeeling. “They were just beasts with human faces. I had no choice but to kill them and so That….” his voice falters, unbidden memories of the days back at the monastery playing through his mind… he swallows past the lump in his throat, glaring at the river coursing below the bridge. “That is what I did.” 

Dedue comes up to the pair of them, looking at Byleth with an unreadable expression, before he speaks. “You need to get that wound taken care of, Professor.” 

Byleth sighs, but she knows Dedue is right… as much as she wants to stay by Dimitri’s side… She gives him one last look, before she heads over to where mercedes sat beside Alois, helping him wrap his bloodied knuckles. 

The smell of blood was nauseating, but she couldn’t ignore it, no matter how hard she tried. The battle at the great bridge had been… taxing. She had once again sustained a grievous wound, throwing herself in front of Dorothea- but she somehow managed to pull through and finish the battle. Lorenz was there, and she had managed to sway him to join their side… but Ferdinand… She let the tears fall down her face quietly as she sat on the cold stone beside Alois, Mercedes turning to assist with the wound as she does. 

“You know, Professor… I don’t remember you getting hurt nearly this much, before.” The woman says, as she pulls away Byleth’s armor, grabbing a wet cloth from a bowl at her side and cleaning the area around the wound as best she can before inspecting the damage. “This is pretty deep… You should rest for a few weeks, before you try to fight again.” 

Byleth wipes the tears away, ignoring the worried look from her former student. “Well, things change, I suppose. Can’t you use a spell?” 

Mercedes settles her with a firm yet somehow gentle look, shaking her head. “No, the blade went too deep and nearly cut a muscle. You need to let it heal naturally, so it doesn’t weaken your sword arm.” she says, applying a healing salve and clean bandages before she puts Byleth’s arm in a sling. 

Byleth sighs, shaking her head, casting her gaze over to where the prince stood. “Fine… Help me up, will you?” 

Mercedes nods, smiling softly as she rises and helps her former professor to her feet, Byleth turning towards the head of the bridge, Dedue speaking with Dimitri in a low tone. 

Byleth was so relieved to see him. They were all back together, now, and… Dimitri seemed a bit less burdened, with Dedue back at his side. Byleth approached, and Dimitri turned to look at her, as did Dedue. 

“Good to have you back, Dedue.” She says, patting his shoulder with her free hand. Dedue nods, smiling at her. 

“Thank you, Professor. Is your shoulder alright?”

Byleth opens her mouth to say something but Mercedes beats her to it, likely knowing that Byleth was going to say she was perfectly fine- when she wasn’t. 

“Yes, though she shouldn’t do any training or swordwork for a few weeks. She needs to rest.” Mercedes tone is firm, Byleth avoids looking at her, in favor of staring blankly at the river to her side, though Dedue takes notice and nods; his gaze flickering to his former professor. 

“I see.” 

The silence that comes to span between them is tense with unspoken words, Byleth feels it as if it were a blade to her throat… it doesn’t help that the arguement they had just before the battle comes to the fore of her mind, and the memory stings. 

_“Did you not deem the woman that killed Jeralt unforgivable? I am most certain you did.” _

_“The difference between you and I is that hundreds of innocents were not trapped between my blade and Kronya!” _

_“Innocents?! These rats are as innocent as I am- as you are- we are the same, you and I, do not act as if that is not the case!”_

She shuts her eyes, sighing heavily as she turns away from the group. Was she really no different from Dimitri? Was she the same, deep down? Mercedes and Dedue both give her a worried glance. Before anything could be said, however, Rodrigue approaches and addresses Dimitri and Byleth both. 

“It is past time we returned. We must discuss our next course of action.” 

Dimitri nods, snapped from his thoughts by Rodrigue’s voice. “Yes… let us return.” 

It’s a silent agreement then, as the group begins to walk back to where the rest of their soldiers were gathered… only, a commotion cuts their rendezvous short. 

Byleth sees a young girl, seemingly arguing with one of the knights. Rodrigue intervenes, and Byleth watches with a quiet, calculating eye… Something felt off, this girl seemed adamant to join their ranks… and for revenge? 

“Let her do what she likes.” Dimitri’s gruff response is… not expected, Byleth can’t help but turn and stare at him, her blank expression shattering momentarily with disbelief. 

The girl seems… unsettled, yet she forces herself to look relieved. “Oh, thank you!” 

Byleth does not voice her concern, even as they once again return to walking towards their soldiers… but she does take up stride beside Dimitri, keeping herself between the girl and her prince… something was not right here, but she had no evidence to prove it… so she would just have to keep an eye on her. 

The trip back to Garreg Mach did not seem as long as it was, Byleth couldn’t have been more relieved when they arrived back… though she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a serpent in their midst. Perhaps rest would do her some good, after all. She must be paranoid… Alas, before she could slip away to her quarters, she heard a voice call out to her. 

“Professor.” 

She turned, her stride towards the dormitory cut short when she saw Dedue. “Dedue… what can I do for you?” 

Dedue certainly changed over the past five years, new scars and a more… aged look to his face, though it was a relief to see that his personality more or less stayed the same. “May I have a word?”

Byleth nods. “Of course.” 

Dedue motions for her to follow him and she does, the pair walking to the greenhouse. Unsurprising, yet… Byleth feels a small knot of dread well up in her stomach. What could he possibly have to say to her? 

A moment of silence passes, before Dedue speaks, looking her straight in the eyes. 

“I have two things to say. First, I thank you for supporting His Highness in my absence. But I must admonish you for taking your own well-being too lightly.” 

His words hit her as if she had just been dunked into a tub of ice cold water, the dread pooling in her gut skyrocketing. She stays quiet, looking away from him.

“I saw in the battle today- and have heard from Mercedes and others- that you have thrown yourself into battle without a care for your own safety. You put yourself in danger to save others.” Dedue sighs softly, shaking his head. 

“You cannot afford to be so cavalier with your own life. His highness relies on you… as do I. as do all of us here. We cannot afford to lose an invaluable asset like yourself.” 

Byleth can feel the lump in her throat growing, blinking away tears. She… she understood what he was saying… to an extent. But what good was she if she just… let her friends- her family- die? 

“I… Understand…” she murmurs softly, her throat growing tight. 

Dedue looks at her for a long, tense moment, before he gently sets his armored hand on her shoulder. “Byleth… I know it is difficult to see the worth of your own life in times like these… but you are one of the few reasons the people here keep fighting. Please, remember that.” 

Byleth squeezes her eyes shut, hastily wiping her tears away with her uninjured hand, nodding. “I… I will… thank you, Dedue… but please take your own advice. We both live to see this war end, agreed?” 

Dedue smiles a little, letting his hand fall from her shoulder. “True enough… very well, agreed… And… perhaps then, I can show you a field full of these flowers in bloom.” 

Byleth laughs softly, turning to look up at him. “You mean Duscur?” 

He nods, smiling serenely as he looks to the flowers. “Yes… once his highness ascends to the throne, I believe it will be possible… so let’s both survive this war.. This greenhouse would be a lonelier place without you, and it would not be fair to the flowers to leave me as their only caretaker.” 

"Thank you, Dedue."


	8. Entrusting the Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth and Rodrigue have a chat, after which Byleth finds Dimitri to have an important discussion.

She couldn’t sleep. 

Tossing and turning all night, and for what? Absolutely nothing. Byleth pulled herself from her bed with a soft groan- her shoulder was still tender, but she was at least cleared for combat now… maybe she would go to the training grounds… 

There was to be a battle at Gronder field in the coming days… Just like five years ago, the battle of the eagle and lion… only this time it was not for sport. Byleth proposed to send an invoice to ally with the alliance but they had yet to hear word back from Derdrue. So much tension, so much stress… it was no surprise that she couldn’t sleep. Maybe whacking some training dummies around would be good. 

Yet, something was pulling her to the cathedral, tonight. So, Byleth wrapped a cloak around her shoulders and made her way towards the ruins of the cathedral. She takes her time, her bare feet quiet on the stone floors… It was… peaceful, in a way... she never understood how Ashe or Lysithea could be afraid to walk the grounds at night for fear of ghosts. 

Dedue’s words hung at the back of her mind, echoing now, in the silence… She looks down at her arm, still stiff to move, but otherwise nicely healed… her hand finds her abdomen, where mere weeks ago she was pierced by arrows… perhaps she was being too reckless. How hypocritical, she thinks. She kept telling Dimitri how reckless he was being and then turned around and practically flung herself on a sword. 

Byleth needed to speak to him… would he be awake at this hour? She turns her gaze to the sky, visible through the ruined roof of the cathedral. Yes, he probably was awake… perhaps that would… would help… clear the air, as it were. There was so much they needed to speak of… the night at the training grounds… 

Footsteps startle her from her thoughts, seafoam green eyes turning from the sky to the left of her, landing on Rodrigue. What was he doing here?

“Even though it’s in ruins, in some strange way, this monastery never truly changes does it?” 

His words take a moment to process, leaving silence to fill the void that comes after he’s spoken. Byleth looks at him with her blank expression, but her eyes are thoughtful, if not tired. Rodrigue meets her gaze with an equally tired, yet kind, smile. 

“I studied at the officers academy when I was young. Those memories come rushing back whenever I return.” He tilts his head, moving to fold his hands behind his back as he turns to face her fully. 

“What are you doing here at this hour, anyway?” 

Byleth turns her gaze from him to the mountain of rubble in front of them, shaking her head just the slightest. “I couldn’t sleep…” 

Rodrigue laughs, rather than being unfit or out of place, Byleth finds the sound comforting… like a warm cup of tea on a cold day. 

“It is the same for me. Perhaps you will allow me to join you?” the lord inquires, and while she usually prefers to be alone when her scattered thoughts leave her mind an unkempt landmine… She did not want to be alone this night, surprisingly. 

Byleth nods, offering him one of her rare small smiles, and Rodrigue returns the gesture with one of his own. 

“Much appreciated.” 

They do not speak of too much, as they stand in the Cathedral, just little things mostly. Rodrigue inquires about Felix, about the change in her appearance, where she had been the past five years… 

There is a long moment of silence when they’ve exhausted all other topics, though it does not become awkward or tense… it’s peaceful. Rodrigue finally breaks the silence, casting his gaze up to the skies. 

“I keep recalling my eldest son… He was quite gifted. In fact, he was appointed a knight at the age of 15.” The man reminisces with a fond smile on his face, but Byleth can see the sadness lingering behind it… His eldest son, and Felix’s older brother… Glenn. 

“I still vividly remember the day he was granted a sword from His Majesty.” 

Byleth didn’t speak for a moment, her gaze roaming the floor, before she turns to Rodrigue. “Your son… Glenn.” 

Rodrigue nods. “Yes. He was killed nine years ago in Duscur. All that returned of him that day were his sword… and his armor…” The older man sighs, and in this moment he looks… older. The calm, happy demeanor that Byleth had come to associate with the man was… suddenly heavier with the weight of loss, and grief. 

“No matter how much you grieve, the dead will never return. No magic in the world can bring them back. That’s why their memory clings to the living like a curse.” He shakes his head, looking back down at the rubble. 

“The more they were loved, the tighter their hold, and the more suffering they cause…” 

Byleth stares for a good long moment at the pile of rubble as well, brows drawing into a furrow as she ponders his words- truly lets them sink in. She understood, Jeralt still haunted her in a way- but it was nowhere near the extent that Dimitri seemed to be plagued with the souls of loved ones lost. 

“I fear I am not a strong enough man to scold His Highness for his foolishness.”   
That gives Byleth pause, her expression once more becoming a blank slate as she looks at him. Did he think her the stronger one, then? More's the pity, then. Byleth shakes her head, lifting a hand to brush through her green hair. 

“I… I know how you feel. I find myself feeling like a hypocrite, sometimes.” 

Rodrigue nods, a rueful smile crossing his lips. “Yes… I can imagine. Since this war began, we’ve seen countless generals, soldiers, and citizens die… it never gets easier.” 

The older man sighs, turning to face her once more, arms folded in front of him. “Professor… I entrust the young prince, and the future of Faerghus to you.” 

The cold shock that accompanies those words makes her eyes widen, eyebrows shooting upwards. “I… What?” 

Her reaction must seem amusing, because he laughs, shaking his head. “I suppose that was a rather dramatic way of putting it. My apologies.” He sighs, turning his head to look at the various statues around them- some half broken, some still intact. 

“You know I have no intention of insisting that you take back Fhirdiad. All I ask is that you continue to reign in Dimitri’s manic desire for revenge.” 

Byleth shakes her head, a harsh, bitter-sweet laugh erupting from her chest. “Honestly, I don’t know how good of a job I’m doing at that already…” 

Rodrigue smiles knowingly, as if he was privy to some joke that she was not, setting a hand on her shoulder as he turns from her to leave the cathedral. “Trust me, Professor, you have more of an effect than you realize. Thank you for your time, Byleth… I’m glad you were the one to lead the Blue Lions.” 

With that, he turns and leaves her standing in the cathedral alone once more. His words linger in her mind's eye, ruminating on what he meant… Byleth shakes her head with a sigh, lingering for a while longer in the empty cathedral before she begins to make her way back… but she passes her quarters. 

Instead, she walks the path to the 2nd floor of the dormitory, walking the long hallway until she finds the right door- with light shining from underneath. 

She swallows past the nerves building in her stomach, lifting a hand to gently rap her knuckles against the wood. 

For a long moment, there is nothing but silence. She thinks for a moment that he fell asleep with a lantern lit, but a soft shuffling from behind the door proves that is not the case. The door creak open a crack, and Dimitri peers through at her with a small scowl. 

“What do you want at this hour?” 

Byleth stares him down, refusing to leave no matter what he says, already firm in her choice to speak with him… no matter what comes of it. “I need to speak with you.” 

Dimitri rolls his eye, moving to shut the door. “Wait until morning.” 

Byleth quickly juts her foot in the gap between the frame and the door, preventing him from shutting it. “No.” 

Dimitri groans quietly from behind the door, glaring her down as he opens the door a little wider, glancing down the hall before he jerks his head in the direction of his room. “Since you insist, get in… make it quick.” 

Byleth silently lets out a sigh of relief, quickly entering his room, fidgeting with the hem of her nightshirt. Dimitri shuts the door behind her, sighing as he takes a seat back at his desk… he clearly was working on… something, but anything written is illegible. He must have been working for hours… 

“What is it that’s so important, then?” 

Byleth pulls herself from her thoughts, looking at him as he speaks up, forcing down her nerves. “Dedue told me something… when we returned from Myrddin. He told me to take my own life more seriously. To place more value on it.” she speaks slowly, and as she does, Dimitri’s gaze wanders. His single eye leaves her, focusing on something far, far away… 

“I told him I would… because he’s right. I needed to… to look at myself and… and see that it would be worse if I were to die.” Byleth can feel the tears welling up in her eyes, a lump forming in her throat, but she pushes past it. 

“And-- And I see the same thing in you.” She gives him a chance to speak, this time, but he is still silent, glaring off into dead space… like she was speaking to a wall. She sighs, shaking her head. 

“Dimitri.” she says his name, gently. Byleth approaches him, lifting a hand to his chin to guide him to look at her. She cups his face in her hands, her expression imploring, for once she is expressing how she feels- in a moment of raw emotion, she lets the tears slip down her cheeks. 

“Promise me that you will do the same… please…” 

Dimitri looks up at her, his single blue eye wide, watching her tears fall down her cheeks… it’s difficult, to try and focus on the voices that yell at him to push her away, to insist he was right, he didn’t matter… but her tears… Dimitri lifts a shaking hand to her face, brushing her tears away with his knuckles. 

“Byleth… I… Don’t cry… please…” his voice is barely a whisper as he rises to his feet, shaking his head. “I… I can’t…” 

“You can.” Byleth insists, the tears dripping down her face faster than he can brush them away. She puts a hand to his chest, ignoring the way her breath hitches in her throat at being so close to him.

“You can. If not for yourself, then for me. Because I can’t keep doing this if you aren’t with me. I will follow wherever you lead, Dimitri, even if i don’t agree with you- because I-” her voice cracks, a soft hiccup shaking her shoulders. She shakes her head, brushing her tears away. 

“I… I love you… Dimitri. And I can’t win this war without you. Please.” 

Despite his previous disposition, he no longer has the energy to be abrasive, not when she looks at him like that. Was this real? Truly, was he allowed to feel this? Dimitri takes her hand, holding it gently to his chest, emotions warring in his mind, and across his face. How long had he wanted to hear her say that, but had been too lost in his own madness to see it? Too focused on revenge… he needed to kill Edelgard- for his family, for everyone he lost… for a long time, he counted her face among them, the ones calling for blood… 

Yet she was here, against all odds, pleading for him to care… not just about his own life, but… for her as well.

As loud as the voices in his head were, the will of his heart was louder in this moment, as he leans down and kisses her. 

He had kissed her before, at the training grounds, but… well to say he wasn’t very practiced was an understatement. Still, Byleth had a way about her that helped guide him- Kissing him back, she took the lead for the moment. Dimitri followed willingly, the feeling of her lips- so soft against his, so pliant- it was intoxicating, but he couldn’t let it cloud his mind… not yet. 

Dimitri parts from the kiss, bringing a hand to gently cup her cheek. “I… I will do as you ask… so long as you are always by my side.” 

It was a heavy promise to make, part of him thinks she won’t make it, but as usual as of late Byleth proves him wrong. 

She nods, leaning into his touch, her eyes shut for a moment. “Always. Just don’t shut me out… talk to me, when something is bothering you… when you can’t sleep, come to me… I would rather you wake me and we can be sleepless together than you suffer alone.” 

Dimitri smiles, it’s tired and weary, but it’s a step in the right direction. “I will try…” 

Byleth returns his smile, though hers is much happier and brighter… it seems almost blinding, but he can’t bring himself to look away. 

“That is all I can ask.” 

Silence spans between them, the pair standing in his room, still touching yet saying nothing… it doesn’t get awkward, like he thinks it would, somehow with her everything feels… natural. Byleth suddenly moves, for a dreadful moment he thinks she’s going to leave- because hes not ready for that, he wants her to stay, desperately so- 

Warm arms wrap around his torso, shocking him from his thoughts. He looks down, surprised to see her… hugging him. It takes a moment, but slowly, he returns the gesture. His skin tingles where she touches, leaving him aching to be closer to her… he doesn’t know what that feeling is, but he wants to chase it. 

“Professor-” 

“Byleth.” She corrects him, her voice small and soft, tilting her head up to look at him. Her green eyes are softer than he’d ever seen, filled with something like affection, deep in her gaze. “Call me Byleth… it’s been five years since I’ve been your professor…” 

Dimitri feels heat flood his cheeks, but he nods regardless, swallowing past the dry feeling in his mouth. 

“...Byleth….” he says her name as if testing it out, unsure if it was really okay… Byleth smiles at him, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and that is all the encouragement he needs. 

“Would… would you sleep with me…?” 

In a split second of utter terror, he realizes the possible implication of his words. The heat flooding his cheeks returns twofold, and he attempts to backpedal, clearing his throat. “I mean- not like- I’m sorry, I -” 

Byleth smiles, lifting a hand to gently press a finger to his lips, silencing him. “Hush… I know what you meant… and I would love to.” 

Relief floods his veins, huffing a soft breath of air through his nose. Her hand falls from his lips, to take his own in her grasp, tugging him towards his bed. 

He follows willingly, falling into bed beside her. It’s a bit of a cramped fit, but Byleth doesn’t hesitate to curl up close to him, wrapping her arms around him once more. It takes a moment for him to figure out what to do, hesitantly letting his arms rest around her loosely. In her embrace, everything is… warm. He feels safe, for the first time in five years, held in her arms like he was worth something. 

“Goodnight, Dimitri.” 

Dimitri looks up at the ceiling of his room, sleep weighing heavily on him now that he was laying down… he smiles, for once it is genuine and warm. Hopeful. 

“Goodnight, Byleth.”


	9. Blood Soaked Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the Blue Lions to return to Gronder field...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to the first update of 2020! Sorry for the lengthy delay @×@
> 
> I lost my laptop charger over the holidays and havent found it yet, so I wrote this on my phone! So, sorry for any typos or mistakes, I did my very best to edit and correct things I found, but pls lmk if there something I missed- 
> 
> and follow me on twitter @devoraakss !!! I post my art and other stuff on there frequently, as well as yell abt fe stuff in general :>

Waking up next to someone was a new experience, for both of them. Dimitri found that his mind was not plagued by nightmares, Byleth found comfort in being held tight to something strong and warm. Peace had found them, for a time, in the early morning hours when the world still slept and the sun had yet to shine its rays beyond the horizon. 

When the light of dawn crept through the silence to wake them, Byleth was the first to stir. A chilly breeze wafts through the room, sending shivers down her spine. Golden slivers of light catch in her sea green eyes as she rises to consciousness, a small yawn escaping her lips as she attempts to curl closer to the warmth beside her, keen on getting a bit more sleep. 

Dimitri woke when he felt Byleth move. Of course, it did not register that it was Byleth, at first. He startled a bit, single blue eye flickering open in a momentary panic. His heartbeat quickens, breathing coming rapidly, before a gentle, soft hand rests on his chest. 

“Shh… it’s just me, Dimitri…” 

Byleth’s voice is raspy and soft, but soothing. Dimitri had never heard something more beautiful. The prince lets out a soft, yet relieved sigh, relaxing back against the bed and her touch as best as he can. A short, soft huff escapes him, his hands shaking as he brings his arms to wrap around her. 

She looks up at him, green eyes concerned, if not still a little sleepy. “You okay?” 

Dimitri grunts softly in reply, giving a slight nod, not trusting his voice to be steady. He just… wants to hold her. Around her, the voices- the screaming, the guilt- it all faded into the back of his mind… if only for a few hours. She shifts to wrap her arms around him, gentle and secure, giving him her warmth and affection freely… and in this moment he didn’t have to understand why. He didn’t want to think about whether he deserved it or not. 

Byleth threads her fingers through his hair, sighing softly as she leans against him, shutting her eyes. They lay there in silence, curled in each others arms and enjoying the warmth of one another. Byleth dozes peacefully, her hands playing with his soft blond hair absently. Dimitri can’t manage to go back to sleep, but he is content enough to enjoy the silence, basking in the softness of it all… 

When the sounds of the monastery coming to life begin to echo around them, they both reluctantly rise from the bed to start the day. 

Byleth gives him a soft kiss, before she departs, saying not a word and giving him a smile as she slips out of his room… He swears his heart flutters in his chest, but dread overtakes the feeling when the door clicks shut. 

He sighs heavily, running a scarred and calloused hand over his face. The madness that rests in his mind returns slowly, over the next hour, leaving him restless and jumpy. They ride for Gronder soon, knowing that Edelgard will be there… that keeps him going, keeps him sharp. 

He must kill that wretched woman. For his father, Glenn- for all of them.

Byleth is at his side when they ride from the gates of Garreg Mach, to the east towards Gronder. She says nothing, staring ahead with her expression blank as always… Yet Dimitri feels that he can see behind that, now. He sees how her gaze flickers from the rest of their comrades to him, how the green of her eyes softens just the slightest when she looks at him. It’s a rarity he’s never known, it feels… right, somehow. As undeserving of it as he is… He wants to explore it. To see what more he could learn of her… but not now. Never now… Until Edelgard lay dead at his feet he could never rest… Even if he wanted to. 

They make camp on the outskirts of the vast field, their army hidden behind the treeline. Dimitri stands on the hill overlooking the valley below, Areadbar stuck into the ground beside him. Some kind of twisted fate this must be, to once again reunite in battle on this field… he does not desire the nostalgia that accompanies those thoughts, but it finds him regardless, and the voices in his mind grow louder in their screaming. 

“Dimitri.” 

His name on her lips is like a golden bell hung in his heart, the crystalline ring of her voice clearing away the chaos that is his mind… She stands to his right, so he has to turn his head to see her, but he finds comfort in the fact that she is there and not anyone else, should an enemy attempt to take advantage of his blind spot. 

Without thinking, he reaches out his hand- he falters when he realizes what he’s doing, but Byleth holds no such shame. She takes his outstretched hand before he can retract it, threading her fingers through his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Her expressionless face reveals nothing, but her eyes are soft and loving when she looks at him. 

“You should rest before the battle. Im taking first watch.” 

He merely nods, though his gaze stays trained on her. They stand in silence, a gentle breeze stirring her hair… In the moonlight she looks radiant, like a brilliant star… Never losing her shine. His chest aches in a way that feels foreign, yet… comfortable, all the same. 

“Stay with me.” 

Dimitri longs for the solace that they had that morning, the peaceful quiet and safety of being held in her arms… when did he become dependent on it? If only because her warmth could distract him enough from the screaming pleas and cries of agony that haunted him.  
He swears he sees his father, in the corner of his eye, but when he whips around- there is nothing… nothing but ghosts. 

His hands are shaking, a bead of sweat forming on his brow. He had to kill Edelgard. He had to avenge them, to soothe their restless spirits, so they can finally find peace and leave him alone-- 

“I’ll stay. Always.” 

Dimitri turns again to look at his once professor, terribly afraid of what the darkness surrounding them brings… he does not want to sleep, how can he rest when the souls of his family and friends that have died cannot? It was unfair. 

“Im…. I am afraid, Byleth.” 

Byleth steps closer to him, lifting a hand to cradle his cheek. His free hand comes to rest over her wrist, holding her hand close. 

“I know. It’s okay. I won’t let anyone get to you… not while I breathe.” 

Dimitri has heard that before… but from her, he believes it. She had never lied to him, not ever… no reason she would start now. After what she said the night previous… He trusted her. Absolutely. Even when his mind is screaming at him to do otherwise.

The prince lets himself be pulled towards camp, away from the endless darkness of the night… Byleth sits him down on a bedroll, but rather than going to her own spot- she sits between his legs, curling close and tugging his cloak so it rests around her too. Dimitri slowly eases into the warmth of her, his eye drooping as the exhaustion from the days ride gets to him… He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and resting his forehead on her shoulder. 

He can only hear her breathing and the steady thrum of his own heartbeat, the crickets chirping in the darkness and the crackle of the fire… the symphony lulls him into sleep, though shadows flicker on the edges of his dreams. 

He does not sleep soundly, but it is better than re-living Duscur in the form of a nightmare. 

Dawn brings a chill, and the news that their envoy to ally with the Alliance was found slaughtered. 

They were on their own.

Once more, three armies would clash on Gronder field, further sullying the ground in the blood of youths whose lives could have been different… had fate had better plans for them. But fate is cruel and hardly ever is she fair. 

~•~

The battle was too painfully similar to the one five years ago. 

Byleth stands on the central hill, the last of the flames dying beneath her feet. She feels the sting of tears behind her eyes, but she doesn’t allow them to fall. Her hands are darkened with the blood of her former students- friends- Thank the goddess that Claude was smart enough to pull his forces before she had to raise her blade against them. Never had she been so relieved that she recruited Petra, Bernadetta, Dorothea and Linhardt… though she wished that wasn’t the case. Caspar… and Ferdinand… she killed them. She had to. 

Didn’t she? 

Byleth was exhausted… Edelgard did not make it easy, and there were more than a few close calls, but luckily all of them survived. Her gaze turns to the figure of the prince, kneeling in the field a short distance away.

They did not kill the Emperor. The war was not won… not yet. This battle was a success, they pushed the empire back for now, yet the thousands of troops they still had were closing in. They weren't safe yet.  
Though the battle was technically a success, Byleth felt… no ounce of accomplishment, no victory. How could she when her blade was stained with the blood of her friends? 

She made her way towards Dimitri, running across the battlefield, swallowing down past the lump in her throat. She had to stay strong… for the friends that still lived, for those she loved. 

It doesn't register in her mind, what Rodrigue is saying, not until there is a shout- a cry that makes her tense, the adrenaline coursing through her veins spiking as her grip tightens on the relic in her hands. 

"**Your Highness!!!**"

What she sees makes her freeze, paralyzed her to the spot. That girl, the one they took in at Myrrdin, has a sword in her hand, swinging it down towards Dimitri. 

Cold fear shoots through her, rooting her to the spot as time slows, panic clouding her mind, memories flashing in her minds eye-

_"You're just a run down old knight, how dare you ruin my plans-"_

When she blinks it's not Dimitri she sees, its Jeralt, with Kronya poised behind him with that dagger in her hand. She feels everything all at once, it overwhelms her and shocks her system, her mind refusing to cooperate and show the scene for what it was- all she saw was ghosts.

"**Professor, do it now!**"

The shout tears her from her momentary paralysis, her mind zeroing in on the present, her body moving on it's own accord- with a swift strike she plunges her blade through the girl, emotionless as blood splatters across her face and her body crumples, lifeless to the ground. She knew something was off when she joined at Myrrdin-- 

But what was happening? Where was Dimitri? 

Panic and fear fight for hold over her mind as she spins around, looking for familiar blue- her mind comes to a screeching halt, however, when she sees Rodrigue fallen to the ground, half cradled in Dimitri's arms. 

"Rodrigue!" 

"Your Highness…. Are you safe? Please… tell me..  
it wasn't in vain…" 

She can only watch in numb, stunned silence as Dimitri cracks, tears slipping down his cheek from his one good eye. He shakes his head vehemently, pure agony etched onto his features. 

"This punishment… it was mine to bear." 

Rodrigue manages to laugh, even as the sound comes out a wet, wheezing cough. "There are no sins or punishments… on the battlefield..." 

He was going to die. Byleth knew it, so did Rodrigue... and so did Dimitri. 

"NO! Dont die! Please… please dont die!" 

Dimitri is begging, pleading for him to stay alive, eye wide in panic- she can vividly feel his pain as if it were her own, she felt the same when her father died in her arms. 

"Father, Stepmother, Glenn… they all died and left me behind!" 

With each word his composure is cracking, the madness for revenge becoming something more mournful and agonizing, a madness of the heart as surely as it is of the mind. 

"Are you to join the ghosts that shadow my every move? This is my fault, I…. I killed you-- as surely as if I had wielded the blade!" 

Byleth stays silent, partially out of her own state of shock, but… what could she possibly say?

Rodrigue coughs out another laugh, a soft, but strained chuckle. Forced. 

"Your Highness… you have one thing… terribly wrong." 

He takes a wheezing breath, his gaze focused on Dimitri as the older man lifts a hand to press to the princes cheek. 

"None of them… none of us… died for you. I'm dying for what I believe in… just as they did." 

Rodrigue tenses, pain flickering across his features with each uneven breath he takes, it's painful to watch, but Byleth cant look away-- she's paralyzed again.

"Your life… is your own. It belongs to no other… living or dead…" the next breath is harder for him to take, the strength leaving his body faster with every word. 

"Live… for what you believe in, my prince…" 

Dimitri is visibly shaking, staring at Rodrigue in shocked silence. 

The lord still manages a small smile, his hand falling from dimitri's face... He looks at peace, even as the light fades from his eyes. 

"Dimitri… my boy… you really do look… just like your father…" 

Byleth can feel the moment that he breathes his last- whether it be from her goddess touched abilities or just the sense of emptiness that comes over his body- it's a cold, eerie moment that snaps her mind into reality, as surely as the sounds of empire reinforcements arriving on the battlefield do. 

"Dimitri… we have to go." She whispers to him, kneeling down to rest her hands over his, looking at his face to try to at least discern if her was still there- if he could hear her, understand her.

The prince has a faraway look on his face, but he nods nonetheless, albeit numbly- though he holds tight to Rodrigue. 

"We… we must retreat." 

~•~ 

The retreat was swift, as surely as they had, the Imperial forces renewed their strength with reinforcements and kept their presence in the area… Byleth wasn't sure if there would be any getting past them now. But her major concern was not with the empire, or even the Alliance- no, her immediate worry was over Dimitri.

Since they had returned from Gronder… it was not easy. Dimitri all but refused to let Rodrigue go- it wasn't until the grave was dug and the rites were done that he even let him be taken away.  
Byleth was regretful that she could not be at his side every moment, but even if she was she doubted his reaction would change- he was been closed off from her, as he was before they had spoken just days prior- something was wrong. Very wrong. 

It wasn't until after sundown that she was able to steal away and pursue him, even then it took some time to find where he was going- he had left the cathedral mere minutes prior and she had seen him heading for the direction of the stables, just as the first light sprinkles of rain had begun to scatter across the grounds. 

She took a shortcut to meet him there, stepping into his path when he made to approach the doors, blocking his way. The rain had begun to pour in earnest now, but whether it soaked her to the bone or not didn't matter. She didn't care about that. 

Dimitri's expression was hardened and cold, cut off from emotion save for one- anger. 

"What do you want." 

His voice was alarmingly unfeeling, and as much as it hurt, she couldn't let her emotions rule her at this moment. She breathed, calm and collected, even as concern etched itself onto her features. 

"Where are you going?" 

"That doesn't concern you." Is his immediate, bitter response… it was as if nothing had changed between them, as if she hadn't put her heart on her sleeve for him… but she knew he wasn't in his right mind right now… he was grieving in the only way his mind would allow, right now. 

"It does, Dimitri." She speaks softly, folding her arms in front of her, brows furrowing as she looks up at him. She had a lot of time to think on the ride from Gronder to the monastery, time that she pondered over Rodrigues words and her own experience- she had never frozen like that on the battlefield... it was a scary experience, to feel like she was seeing that happen again, and to realize that she could have lost another that was near and dear to her heart. 

His expression darkens, the anger and rage becoming more apparent on his features. If she didnt know him as well as she did, she would be scared he might hurt her. But she knew that would never happen, even if his most enraged of fits, Dimitri would never hurt her. 

The rain is bitter and cold, stinging against her skin, but still she doesn't flinch. Doesn't move. 

"Get out of my way. _Now._" 

There was only one place that she could think of that he would be going after that fight, the one thing that he assumed would fix all his problems. 

"You're going to Enbarr, aren't you?" 

His silence answers her, as does the way he looks away from her, as if guilty. 

She sighs, shutting her eyes for a pained moment before she looks back at him, taking a small step closer. 

"Do you truly believe that will appease the dead?" 

"Silence!! You have no idea what you're talking about!" His immediate, scathing response hurts, but she knows this isn't Dimitri talking. 

"Death… is the end." Saying those words somehow makes him even more tense than he already is, the prince beginning to pace in front of her. Frantic. 

"No matter how much lingering regret a person has, after death, they are powerless! They cannot even wish for revenge, much less seek it out." 

His pacing is becoming even more frantic, gesturing with his hands as he speaks, rounding back to face her with a wide, angry eye.

"_Hatred. Regret._ those burdens fall on the shoulders of those who are left behind," 

The rain seems louder around them, even as he shouts at her, but she remains calm in this storm. Just looking at him with a soft, sad expression. That, it seems, only infuriates him more. The prince cannot fathom that she still looks at him like that, even as he rages around her like a tempest. 

"And so I must continue down this path! I already told you as much! It is far too late to stop!" 

Dimitri thinks that if he continues to shout his intent, that it will somehow scare her off… it would be amusing, if the situation weren't so dire. 

Byleth had time to reflect, on both her own feelings and that of what rodrigue had said on the ride back to Garreg Mach from Gronder field.  
She realized just how close she had been to losing Dimitri, truly let it sink in-- and closer still was she to losing him now… that... that simply wasn't something she was prepared to let come to pass. Not now, not ever. 

Rodrigue was right. they both had to start living for what they believed in... and she believed in Dimitri. She believed in a better future, with him by her side. 

"You're _wrong._" She protests calmly, with a shake of her head, which only seems to further his blind rage. 

"Do not waste your breath with some nonsense about how I should move on with my life for their sake! That is merely the logic of the living, its _meaningless!!_" 

Byleth sees the longer he rants and raves the more he begins to fall apart, the rain pouring around them masks his tears but she sees the pain in his expression as he turns away from her angrily. 

"Those who died with lingering regret-- they will not loose their hold on me so easily!!" 

He's splitting at the seams, the edges of his composure fraying more and more as the prince crumbles to his knees, hitting the muddy ground with a wet thud. He holds his head in his hands, shaking uncontrollably with tremors that wrack his large frame. 

"But you-- you seem to have all the answers… so tell me, Professor," he chokes on the words, she can hear the tears in his voice and its _breaking_ her heart with every word. His next words are spoken through a broken sob, grasping at his hair with a thorough shake of his head. 

"_Please_, tell me…. How do I silence their desperate pleas? How do I… how do I save them?" 

She wants to go to him, hold him and tell him everything he needs to hear because she _knows_ now- but she gives him space, gives him the time to finish his thoughts. 

"Ever since that day nine years ago I have lived to avenge the fallen... Even my time at the Officers Academy was all so that I could secure my revenge and clear away the regret of the dead-" he drops his hands from his head, slumping even further as his arms fall to his sides and he looks up at the sky, openly weeping. 

"It was the _only_ thing that kept me alive… My only reason to keep moving forward…" 

The silence that spans between them is only broken by the rain, the distant rumble of thunder in the distance… Byleth moves after a moment, slowly bringing the broken prince to stand once more, resting her hands on his shoulders. 

For herself, even, it was a recent revelation- what she had to do. What with Jeralts death, fusing with Sothis, even the deaths of her former students and friends- she would get nowhere mourning them for eternity and agonizing over what she could have done, what she _should_ have done.

"_You have to forgive yourself._"

Dimitri stares at her, eye wide, looking down at her through soaked strands of blond hair, remains of blood from the recent battle still present on his person. He looked as though the very concept was foreign, that it had never even occurred to him before. 

"But… then…" his voice is less sure, less full of rage, he sounds like the boy she had meet five years ago- unsure of himself and in need of guidance, of a friend, of a family. 

"Then who-- or _what_\- should I live for?" 

Byleth smiles, it's sad and happy all at once, tears of her own filling her eyes once more and blending with the rain streaking down her face. 

"Rodrigue answered that question for you, Dimitri… Live for what you believe in." 

He looks… lost. For the first time in these five years he doesn't have a clear path to follow, Dimitri isn't sure of himself anymore and it shows in the way he looks at her- so full of sadness, regret, and most of all-- _longing._

Perhaps, if she had been present those five years to help him, he may have been different… but she was here now… and she wasn't going to let him drown in his own mind. 

"What I believe in…" he mutters the words absently as he looks down at the ground, the conflict showing on his face as the battle rages in his mind. "But… is it possible…?" 

His expression turns to that angry sneer she was so used to seeing, it morphs his features into something terrifying- but shes not afraid. How could she fear the man she had fallen in love with? 

He shrugs her hands off his shoulders, putting some distance between them as he glares down at his hands in outraged disgust. 

"I am a murderous monster! My hands are stained red-- could one such as I truly hope for such a life?" 

The conflicting sides of himself are so clear to see now, the self-hatred that berates him, and yet beneath it lies the hope that everything he wants, he's worthy of- 

"As the sole survivor of that day… do I deserve-- do I _truly_ have the right-- to live for myself?" 

Byleth smiles through the rain and the tears, stepping closer to him as she stretches out her hand to him. 

"Yes, Dimitri. You… more than anyone, deserve that right." 

Dimitri looks to her with his single good eye, filled with tears and uncertainty. He looks to her outstretched hand… and with a shaking hand of his own, he slowly grasps it. 

For once since she awoke, since she reunited with him, when he looks at her she sees him-- truly sees him. Her heart floods with overwhelming relief and joy at what she finds, her smile growing wider as the tears fall faster down her face. She has her prince back-- Dimitri, _her_ Dimitri was here again- it was just a small glimpse, but she was going to pull him from the depths of despair that he'd gotten lost in. Nothing could stop that, now. 

"I…" He falters just slightly, still looking at their hands… he brings her hand to his face, pressing her palm to his cheek slowly, shutting his eye in a rare, blissful moment of peace… 

"Your hands…" he murmurs, opening his eye to look down at her, tired, but warm and… hopeful. 

"They're so warm… have they always been…?"


End file.
